I started sketching as a form of survival. Then I picked up watercolor pencils not because I felt creative or confident or curious.
Then overtime, it became something more.
I didn’t start painting because I loved it.
I started because I didn’t know what else to do with everything I was holding inside.
I was going through one of the lowest, messiest, most confusing times in my life. I was grieving the loss of a parent. I was trying to hold myself together while quietly falling apart. I didn’t feel like myself, and honestly, I didn’t even know who “myself” was anymore at that time. I just knew I needed something to help me feel like I was still here.
So I grabbed a sketchbook — not for art, just for something.
And I started making marks. Little shapes. Scribbles. Weird faces.
No plan. No pressure. No “right way.”
I had some old watercolor pencils lying around, and I started messing around with them. At first, I didn’t even really like the way they looked. I wasn’t making anything “pretty.” But when I added water and watched the colors bleed out across the page, something inside me softened. Just a little. Enough to keep going.
And that’s how it started.
Sketching became this private space where I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone.
Where I could just… be.
Messy. Silent. Sad. Overwhelmed. Numb. Angry.
Whatever was going on inside — I let it out on paper.
Most of my old art pages were wild and chaotic.
Mostly sad and grim.
Others were just colors layered over colors because I couldn’t find any shape or form at all.
I wasn’t making art.
I was trying to survive.
I was expressing the self I couldn’t always find in conversations. The part of me that didn’t know how to say “I’m not okay” out loud. I started to hear her more clearly through paint and lines than I ever could through words.
Now when I look back at those sketchbooks, they’re full of things I probably wouldn’t post, or so I thought, because here I am posting the chaos.
They’re messy. Unfinished. Raw.
But they saved me in ways I didn’t realize until much later into my life.
Art didn’t fix everything for me.
But it gave me a place to go when everything else felt too heavy.
It gave me something that felt like mine — something I didn’t have to be good at to feel connected to.
Why I Made This Blog
Over time, something shifted. I continued making “art” and it started to feel less like coping and more like connecting — not with anyone else, but with myself.
You see, that’s one of the reasons why I created this blog.
Not to teach. Not to “inspire.”
Not to post perfect art that people will save or share.
I’m not a professional artist. I’m not trying to be.
I’m just a watercolor and gouache enthusiast. Someone who discovered that making art could hold the parts of me I didn’t have words for.
And also — I’m a web developer — now that one I’m super sure and proud of.
So I had the tools to build this little corner of the internet for myself.
A space that’s not about performing creativity, but processing through it.
A space to feel things. To reflect. To share, honestly and imperfectly.
This isn’t a place where you’ll find tutorials or step-by-step techniques.
It’s not where you come to learn how to paint.
It’s where you come to remember that you’re allowed to create, even when you don’t feel like you know what you’re doing.
Even when life is heavy. Even when it’s just for you.
This isn’t about the most aesthetic art I’ve made — or ever will.
It’s about the messy, emotional, sometimes ugly, always honest process that got me here.
This blog and art account is not just the good ones I’ve created but it’s also about the drawings I made while crying. The colors I mixed when I couldn’t sleep. The pages that didn’t make sense until I looked back and realized they were telling the truth before I could.
This site is part sketchbook, part diary, part confessional.
It’s how I honor the version of me who survived the hardest seasons of her life.
And how I give myself permission to keep showing up — as I am, where I am.
If you’re here reading this…
I’m Louee, and you’re welcome here. Not trying to be an artist because honestly I still don’t know what I’m doing, I’m still trying and learning things and, well I love it.
I’m just a person with something to feel, and maybe a kickass website to let it out on.
You’re in good company, feel free to walk with me into this journey.
